This is a brilliant suspense story! The tension builds perfectly as Melanie’s paranoia escalates, leading her — and us — down a path of questions about her own mind and safety. The reveal about carbon dioxide poisoning is unexpected yet plausible, adding an eerie layer that’s grounded in reality. Ron’s concern and eventual support provide a warm, stabilizing influence, which rounds out the story beautifully.
Your use of sensory details, like the smell of burning toast or the creak of an old apartment, really pulls readers into Melanie’s deteriorating world. The way you weave in her fascination with true crime as a potential factor in her confusion is a clever touch, and the notes turning out to be her own under the effects of CO2 deprivation is the perfect twist.
The additional story teaser at the end for Trent’s story is intriguing too! It would draw readers into another layer of mystery. This story really nails the suspense while maintaining a sympathetic, relatable protagonist.
My sister ruined my birthday because of her fixation on diet culture — I didn’t let it go unnoticed
Madeleine’s birthday takes an unexpected turn when her sister’s diet obsession turns the celebration upside down. Determined not to ruin her special day, Madeleine plans a bold move and gives Fiona a taste of her own medicine. Will Madeleine’s daring response save the day or create even more chaos?
“Fiona, can you come over to help with the birthday party?” I asked, sitting comfortably on my plush sofa, my phone pressed to my ear.
“Sure, Madeleine,” Fiona replied cheerfully. “What do you need me to do?”
“Decorations and food,” I said, relief washing over me. “I could really use an extra pair of hands!”
“No problem,” she said. “I’ll take care of it.”
I smiled, feeling a weight lift off my shoulders. “Thanks, Fiona! What would I do without you? I’ll send you some money for the decorations, drinks, and a simple BBQ.”
“Got it. I’ll make sure everything looks perfect,” Fiona assured me.
After hanging up, I quickly transferred the money to her account.
I trusted Fiona with the decorations; she had an eye for detail and always made everything look beautiful. I texted her the list of things we needed and told her I’d leave the keys under the doormat.
“Hey, sweetheart, are we all set for the party?” my fiancé, Albert, asked as I sent my last text to Fiona.
“Almost,” I said, standing up and giving him a reassuring smile. “Fiona’s handling the decorations and food. We just need to pick up some cups and plates from the supermarket.”
“Didn’t we already have enough?” he asked, a little puzzled.
“I thought so, too,” I admitted, shaking my head. “But it turns out we’re short. I don’t want to risk running out during the party.”
“Good call,” Albert said, grabbing the car keys. “Let’s go then. Better to get this done early.”
As we drove to the supermarket, I felt both excited and nervous. Hosting a party always brought these feelings, but having Fiona and Albert helping made everything easier.
I thought about the backyard and how I wanted it to look festive and welcoming. Fiona’s decorations would be perfect, and the BBQ would keep everyone happy and full.
“Are you okay?” Albert asked, glancing at me as he drove.
“Yeah,” I replied, smiling. “Just thinking about how everything will turn out.”
“It’ll be great, Madeleine,” he said, squeezing my hand. “We’ve got this.”
We arrived at the supermarket and quickly gathered the cups and plates we needed. As we loaded them into the car, I felt a sense of accomplishment.
Everything was coming together.
“And we’re back!” I called out as Albert and I walked into the backyard, carrying the cups and plates. But my smile quickly turned to shock as I took in the scene before me.
The table was filled with an array of vegetables, rice cakes, and several containers of 0% yogurt, which was essentially yogurt with no fat or sugar.
And instead of a proper cake, there was half a watermelon with candles stuck into it.
My heart sank. This wasn’t what I had in mind at all.
I turned to Albert, whose eyes widened in disbelief. “What’s going on here?” he asked, clearly puzzled.
“I don’t know,” I said, confused.
I spotted Fiona arranging the table and quickly walked over to her, pulling her aside. “Fiona, what happened to the BBQ??” I asked, trying to keep my frustration in check.
“Well, it wasn’t a good idea considering your size, so I chose better options!” she said matter-of-factly.
I was shocked.
I come from a “bigger” family and have learned to love myself as I am. However, Fiona has always struggled with her self-image, trying hundreds of diets but never sticking to any of them.
I felt my cheeks flush with anger, knowing she’d done it because of her diet obsession! But I swallowed my anger as causing a scene wouldn’t help anything. The guests were starting to arrive, and I didn’t want to ruin the evening for everyone.
“So yeah, what was I saying? Yep, I just thought healthier options would be better for you, Madeliene,” she said, looking at me as if she had done me a favor.
“Fiona, this is a party! People expect to have fun and enjoy good food!” I almost snapped.
“I just thought this would be better,” she shrugged as if it was no big deal.
Taking a deep breath, I decided I had to fix this. I walked over to Albert, who was also puzzled by the spread.
“Albert, we need to order some normal food. The guests will be here any minute,” I said.
“Alright, I’ll call the pizza place and get some burgers delivered, too. We can’t let this ruin the evening.”
“Thank you,” I said, grateful for his quick thinking.
As Albert made the calls, I tried to mingle with the arriving guests, keeping a smile on my face despite my frustration. Everyone was polite, but I could see the confusion in their eyes as they looked at the food.
“What’s going on with the food?” one of our friends asked.
“Just a little mix-up,” I said with a forced laugh. “We’ve got some more food coming soon.”
Soon, Albert came back, giving me a reassuring nod. “Food’s on its way. Should be here in about thirty minutes,” he whispered to me.
“Perfect,” I sighed. “Thank you, Albert.”
“Don’t worry, Madeleine,” he said, giving my shoulder a squeeze. “We’ll turn this around.”
With Albert’s reassuring nod, I felt a bit more at ease, knowing that more food was on its way. But I was starting to place the order for the BBQ when Fiona snapped.
“SORRY FOR BEING SUCH A TERRIBLE SISTER AND TRYING TO HELP YOU LOSE ALL THIS FAT!” she screamed, her voice echoing across the backyard. “KEEP STUFFING YOURSELF WITH BBQ, BUT DON’T EXPECT ME TO CHEER YOU UP WHEN YOUR FIANCÉ KICKS YOU OUT!”
The sudden outburst left everyone stunned. The guests looked around awkwardly, not sure what to do or say. I felt my face flush with embarrassment and anger!
“Fiona, will you please stop it?!” I said, pulling her aside again.
She glared at me, her eyes filled with frustration. “I was only trying to help you, Madeleine. You never listen!”
“Look, this is not the time or place for this,” I said, my hands shaking slightly. “We have guests here. Can we please talk about this later?”
“Everyone, let’s enjoy the evening. The food will be here soon, and we can all have a good time,” Albert announced, facing the guests. I could only feel grateful he was there to handle the situation with me.
Fiona crossed her arms, fuming, but she didn’t say anything further. I could see the guests shifting uncomfortably. I took a deep breath, trying to regain my composure.
“I’m sorry, everyone,” I said, addressing the crowd. “There was a bit of a misunderstanding, but it’s all sorted now. Please, make yourselves comfortable.”
With that, I turned and hurried inside to write a note for the delivery guy. “Please make sure to hand the order directly to me (Madeleine), not my sister,” I scribbled quickly, sticking the note on the front door.
The minutes dragged on as I anxiously awaited the arrival of the food. I kept glancing at the clock, hoping it would get there soon so we could move past the awkwardness. Finally, the doorbell rang.
I opened the door to greet the delivery guy, who handed me the bags filled with BBQ and other goodies.
“Thank you so much,” I said, taking the food from him.
“No problem,” he replied with a friendly smile.
Carrying the food back to the backyard, I took a deep breath. I was determined to salvage the evening, no matter what. But I was also going to teach Fiona a lesson about respecting boundaries and understanding what it means to truly help someone.
“Alright, everyone,” I announced, placing the BBQ and sides on the table. “The food is here! Let’s dig in and enjoy the evening!”
I began handing each guest a plate piled high with BBQ meat, salads, and sides. As I served, I made sure to keep my composure, smiling and chatting with everyone.
When I reached Fiona, I couldn’t help but feel a little mischievous. I stacked all the rice cakes and vegetables on a plate for her, making sure it was an impressive tower of the healthiest options available!
“Fiona,” I called out, drawing everyone’s attention. “I’ve got a special plate just for you!”
She looked up, surprised by the attention. As I handed her the plate, I couldn’t resist adding a little jab. “Here you go, Fiona. Make sure to stick with the healthy stuff. I wouldn’t want you to become unlovable by eating something unhealthy!”
Fiona’s face turned bright red. She stared at the plate, then looked at me with a mix of embarrassment and anger. “Thanks,” she mumbled, barely able to meet my eyes.
“Everyone, enjoy!” I said cheerfully as I moved on to serve the next guest.
I also kept an eye on Fiona. She stood off to the side, barely touching her plate. I could see the discomfort and humiliation on her face. Eventually, she put the plate down and made her way towards the exit.
“I’m leaving,” she said quietly as she passed by me, avoiding eye contact.
“Okay,” I replied, shrugging.
I watched her walk away, feeling a sense of relief.
The BBQ was a hit, and people came up to me, complimenting the food and the decorations. It was exactly the kind of evening I had hoped for despite the rocky start. Most importantly, my “sweet” sister received a taste of her own medicine.
What would you have done?
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