Alex was sitting in the park, lost in thought when he was interrupted by a voice from behind. “Please help my mother!” it begged. When Alex turned around, he saw a little girl crying bitterly. Alex was frozen in place by the mere sight of her. She looked so much like him!
Why did you do that, Charlotte? Why didn’t you just tell me you weren’t happy with me? Alex sighed as he reflected on the events of the previous night.
He’d arrived home early from work to surprise his wife on their wedding anniversary. But all of his excitement was dashed when he discovered her in their bedroom with another man. The man was holding her waist, and her arms were wrapped around him. After a brief moment, they clasped hands, kissed passionately, and didn’t stop until Alex barged into the room.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
“Is this what you do behind my back, Charlotte?” he lashed out at his wife, still holding the bouquet and cake he’d brought for the special day. “You’re cheating on me with a man half your age?!”
Charlotte, who didn’t expect Alex to be home so soon, was taken aback by his presence. “Oh, Alex…I…”
“You have one hour to leave this place, Charlotte, with that man! Run away as far as you can! I don’t want to see you again,” he threatened her and left the room. Then he ordered the guard to go into the house and make sure that behind his back, Charlotte didn’t take anything extra from his home.
Alex got into his car and drove all night aimlessly, stopping only once to refuel. Then, as his fuel gauge reminded him that he needed to fill up, he pulled over to a park and sat on a bench, lazy to go to the station again.
A quick glance at his wristwatch revealed that it was around 6 a.m. The park was as deserted as a cemetery, and he was glad he was alone there because the sad thoughts of his wife cheating on him hadn’t left him even after the long drive. He soon covered his face with his hands, attempting to calm himself and get over the events of the previous night.
Perhaps she never wanted a relationship. Maybe she was always after my money, he pondered.
Suddenly, a sobbing sound from behind interrupted his thoughts. “Sir, can you please help me? My mother needs help!” it said.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
Turning around, Alex noticed a small child holding a teddy bear. The sun had nearly risen, and the rays falling on the girl’s face froze Alex in place. No way! This isn’t possible! She can’t be… Wake up, Alex! You’re imagining things because you didn’t sleep last night!
“Sir,” she said again, pulling his jacket closer to her. “Please help my mom!”
What if she’s a member of one of those gangs that threaten and rob people? After all, what is she doing here alone at this hour of the morning?
“Umm…where is your mom? And what happened to her?” Alex asked, looking around for anything suspicious, but when he didn’t see anything dubious, he hurried after the girl.
As she walked to the back of the park and into the abandoned forest, Alex was constantly keeping his eye out, waiting for someone to jump out from around the corner and force him to hand in everything in his pockets. However, other than his car keys and a phone, he had nothing else to offer at the time.
As they moved deeper into the forest, the girl came to a halt in front of a massive oak tree. She then turned to Alex and motioned with her hands to the tree. “My mom… she’s there. She needs help!”
Seeing a human’s hand protruding from one corner of the tree, he quickened his pace and found a woman lying there unconscious. Squatting next to her, he touched her hand to check for a pulse. She was still alive and breathing, but her body was sweltering. He gently turned her over on her back and froze in shock once again. The woman was his first love, Camilla.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
He immediately dialed 911 and requested that an ambulance be dispatched to the scene. Then he dashed to his car to get his water bottle.
Having splashed water on the woman’s face, he tried to bring her to her senses, but she began shaking from the cold. He took off his jacket and wrapped it around her, holding her tightly in his arms.
“How did your mom come here, sweetie?” he asked the little girl, trying to control the tears in his eyes at having doubted her. “Where’s your father?”
“I don’t have anyone other than my mother,” the girl sniffed. “Will mommy be alright?”
“Of course she will!” Alex comforted the child.
When the ambulance arrived, the doctors examined Camilla quickly and loaded her onto a stretcher. They didn’t even ask Alex if he knew Camilla. “Is the child staying with you?” asked the orderly quickly. Alex nodded in agreement.
The little girl cried and asked to join her mother, but Alex promised her that he would definitely take her to her mother when she gets better. “I know your mom. She and I were close friends once, so don’t worry, okay?” he said gently. But the girl looked at him incredulously as they both walked to his car to head home.
When they arrived, Alex ordered the housekeeper to look after the little girl then left for the hospital. When Camilla awoke, she was shocked to see Alex at her bedside. “You? What are you doing here? And where’s my daughter?”
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Shutterstock
“Please, Camilla, calm down. She’s at my house and safe. I can video call her right now if you want.”
“Yes! Do that!” Camilla cried. “I want to see her!” Camilla didn’t rest until she saw and spoke with her daughter on the phone. Once the call was over, she burst into tears. “I’m sorry for doubting you, Alex, but I really have none other than Kate in my life.”
“It’s all right, Camilla. For the time being, you should rest. The doctors said it was pneumonia, and you’re lucky your fever went down; otherwise, they’d have to keep you in the intensive care unit… By the way, how did you end up in the forest?”
“Actually, I always take that route because it’s like a shortcut to Kate’s kindergarten,” she admitted, her voice trembling with embarrassment. “I start early in the morning to save money on bus fare. It is difficult to raise a child on one’s own.”
“But where’s her father? Why doesn’t he take responsibility for his child?” Alex asked curiously.
Camilla fell silent. “Well…” Before she could say anything, doctors walked into the room and asked Alex to leave. They said Camilla would be under observation for a few days.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
During Camilla’s stay at the hospital, Alex visited her every day and looked after her. When she was discharged, he took her home, and during that phase, they became close involuntarily.
Meanwhile, Alex was constantly bothered by the thoughts of why Kate resembled him so much. He felt a strange affection for the young girl and he wanted to ask Camilla if his suspicion was true and Kate was his daughter. So he decided that after Camilla recovered completely, he would sit with her and talk about it. But fate had different plans.
One day, as he and Camilla were about to leave the house for a check-up, they ran into Charlotte, who’d come to discuss the divorce settlement with Alex.
Imagine her shock when she spotted her husband’s ex-lover at the house. “Oh! So you’re back together now? Is she the reason you were so eager to get rid of me, Alex, without even giving me a chance to explain myself?” She sneered.
“Well–” Before Alex could say anything, little Kate came running and hugged Alex. “Let’s go! But the doctor won’t give me those tablets, right?” she asked Alex curiously.
“Woah! Look at you! Aren’t you happy after kicking me out of the house? You have your lover and your daughter with you. What else do you want?” Charlotte mocked.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Pexels
“What?” Alex turned pale upon hearing Charlotte’s remark. “My daughter?” He looked at Camilla, who quickly averted her gaze and looked down.
“Oops! Looks like someone didn’t tell you the truth!” Charlotte added.
“Can someone tell me what’s going on?” Alex asked, dumbfounded.
“I’ll tell you everything, Alex,” Camilla said in a quiet voice. “You go inside and play, honey. Mumma will come soon,” she added, turning to Kate, who happily followed her mom’s instructions and went inside. Then Camilla revealed the whole story to Alex.
It turns out Charlotte always knew Kate was Camilla and Alex’s child. She liked Alex a lot and decided to drive a wedge between him and Camilla. Hence, she asked one of her friends to take false photographs of Camilla with another man to convince him that Camila was cheating on him.
Alex was heartbroken when he saw those photographs of Camilla hugging and kissing another man and broke up with her. Charlotte saw this as the perfect opportunity and started dating Alex. They were childhood friends, after all, and their families were also convinced that they were perfect for each other. Meanwhile, Camila had not informed Alex of her pregnancy. She decided to raise their child alone after Alex left her.
For illustration purposes only. | Source: Shutterstock
“I didn’t want to break your marriage, so even after I came here, I didn’t tell you about Kate,” Camila explained. “I had no idea you and Charlotte were divorcing.”
Alex started hating Charlotte even more after learning the whole truth. He not only divorced her but also made sure she received no money from his inheritance. Later, after the divorce case was resolved, he married Camilla and they lived happily together.
What can we learn from this story?
- You always meet people because you’re destined to and not by chance. Alex was destined to reunite with his lover and daughter, and that’s precisely what happened in the end.
- Karma is unavoidable. Charlotte thought she could get away with cheating on her husband, but in the end, karma reached her.
If you enjoyed this story, you might like this one about a store clerk who kicked out a little boy who wanted to buy a doll for his dying mother.
This account is inspired by our reader’s story and written by a professional writer. Any resemblance to actual names or locations is purely coincidental. All images are for illustration purposes only. Share your story with us; maybe it will change someone’s life.
23 Backhanded “Compliments” That Are Actually Insults
Everyone has been guilty of giving compliments that turn out to be less-than-sincere upon closer inspection. However, backhanded “compliments” are some of the worst, especially since they’re disguised as sweet remarks. It’s important for friends to be honest with each other, of course, but couching hard truths in fake compliments is rarely the way to go. (Unless you’re auditioning for a Real Housewives franchise, of course, in which case you can carry on.) If you’re ever on the receiving end of a backhanded compliment from a friend, the real meaning might not even sink in until hours, or even days, later.
While backhanded compliments typically stem from the speaker’s own insecurities, that doesn’t make them any less hurtful, says Sherese Ezelle, LMHC, LCPC, a licensed behavioral therapist. And when they come from a friend, a backhanded compliment is likely to sting even more — and may even damage your relationship.
Backhanded compliments run the gamut from clueless comments to rude remarks, and can also be a form of microaggression, Ezelle says. If it seems like your pal has crossed a boundary, she recommends disputing their comment in the moment by calmly asking for more info. “More often than not, to challenge them on the spot allows for the individual delivering the ‘compliment’ a chance to defend or further explain their intent,” Ezelle tells Bustle. “You want to be sure to give an opportunity for conversation so that growth can happen and friendships can be preserved.”
Of course, different friendships have different dynamics. Some close friends tease each other mercilessly and, as long as everyone’s on the same page, it tends to be OK. That said, it’s alright to recognize when something feels more hurtful than funny, or more like passive-aggressiveness than silly banter, Ezelle says. If backhanded compliments seem to be a habit rather than an exception, you can always tell your friend to buzz off — or look for a new friend circle.
These 23 backhanded compliment examples can help remind you of what a barely-concealed dig really sounds like. That way, the next time your friend claims to love your outfit or announces that they find your apartment “cozy”, you’ll know exactly how to handle it.
1. “Your Instagram Makes You Seem So Fun!”
Why it’s backhanded: On the one hand, it’s good to know all your careful filtering and captioning haven’t been in vain. But when your friend says your Instagram seems fun, they may be implying that the real you is much less interesting than the image you’re trying to project.
How to respond: “Because I am fun!”
What they could have said instead: “I’m so inspired by the way you curate your feed. It really shows off your creative side.”
2. “You Look So Great In That Photo. I Can’t Even See Your Acne!”
Why it’s backhanded: The nice compliment is immediately weighed down by the acne comment. They’re basically saying you typically have a flaw, but in this photo, you only look great because that flaw is removed. “It would be particularly hurtful if you also had an insecurity about your complexion,” says Sarah Dumoff, LCSW, a psychotherapist and founder of private practice here/now.
How to respond: “Thanks. I love this picture too, though I feel good in photos even when my skin isn’t ‘perfect.’”
What they could have said instead: “Omg, you look amazing!”
3. “I Didn’t Expect You To Get The Job. Congratulations!”
Why it’s backhanded: When a friend makes a point of mentioning their low expectations, it takes away from their congratulations.
How to respond: “I worked really hard for this. Go me!”
What they could have said instead: “I was rooting for you and am so relieved it went well!”
4. “You’re So Independent. It’s No Wonder You Haven’t Found Someone Yet.”
Why it’s backhanded: Among all the things ambitious people are tired of hearing, this is probably the most common. In theory, such a remark compliments your sense of autonomy; in practice, it implies that your independence is driving potential significant others away. As an added bonus, it perpetuates the idea that you have to compromise your sense of independence in order to be attractive. Yikes.
How to respond: “Yup! And I’ll know someone’s right for me when they respect that.”
What they could have said instead: “If you ever want to get back into the dating pool, I know someone’s going to fall immediately for your drive.”
5. “I Love How You Don’t Care How You Come Across.”
Why it’s backhanded: Your friend may profess to love your devil-may-care attitude, but what they’re really saying is that they think you’re too “out there.” Either that, or they’re making a salty comment because they’re envious of your laid-back attitude.
How to respond: “Yes! It’s taken a lot of work to get my confidence to this level. I try not to focus on what others think anymore.”
What they could have said instead: “You always seem so confident and relaxed. Tell me all your secrets.”
6. “I Wish I Was As Chill As You About All This Clutter.”
Why it’s backhanded: The real translation may be, “Your place isn’t cleaned to my exact standards and I need you to know that.” Regardless of their intention, it’s rude to make comments when you’ve been invited into someone’s private space.
How to respond: “Really? What would you do differently?” Sometimes asking someone to explain their comment is a way to get them to pause, reflect, and realize they’re being mean.
What they could have said instead: “Thanks for having me over!”
7. “That New Haircut Looks So Much Better Than Your Old One.”
Why it’s backhanded: They’re right — your new ‘do does look fabulous. But no need to be rude about what you looked like literally an hour ago. It may also make you wonder how long they’ve secretly disliked your hair.
How to respond: “I’m all about changing up my look. I’ve loved all my hairstyles and this one’s great, too.”
What they could have said instead: “Wait, this so, so good.”
8. “I Love How You’ll Just Wear Anything.”
Why it’s backhanded: If you’re getting ready together, chances are this comment is constructive and your friend is trying to prevent you from leaving the house in a not-so-great look. If they make this comment once you’re already out, however, that’s when it’s officially rude — and it might even plant a seed of self-doubt that ruins your whole night.
How to respond: “Is that a hint? What’s wrong with my outfit?” You can be honest with each other, laugh it off, and ask if they’d like to offer some advice.
What they could have said instead: “Hold up, hold up. Do you still have those wide-leg pants? Those would be perfect for tonight.”
9. “I Would Never Be Able To Pull Off That Outfit!”
Why it’s backhanded: While it sounds like they’re admiring your style, your friend is likely saying they wouldn’t be caught dead in anything similar.
How to respond: “Thanks, yea. I’ve been feelin’ myself lately. I’m all about the cargo pants trend. Can you believe they’re back?” This is a way to brush off their comment and show your friend that your “weird” look is deliberate — and fashionable.
What they could have said: “Ugh, I can’t keep up with trends. Can you share your Pinterest with me?”
10. “You’re So Charming When You Make An Effort.”
Why it’s backhanded: Great! You’re being charming and suave right now. Mission accomplished. But what about when you’re lounging in your soft pants? Your friend is kind of saying that you’re not usually this charismatic.
How to respond: “I don’t always feel the need to be ‘on’ around my close friends, but sure, I can pull out the charm when need be.” You can also mention that their comment was hurtful. Remember, when in doubt, call it out.
What they could have said: “Bestie, you’re a shining star of wit and charm.”
11. “You Look So Professional With Your Hair Straight.”
Why it’s backhanded: Talk about microaggressive “complimenting” styles. On one end of the spectrum, they’re announcing that they believe you usually look bad or unkempt. On the other, they’re saying curly or natural hair is somehow unprofessional. And that’s not OK.
How to respond: “Well, I’m glad to know that you think my natural hair makes me look so unprofessional.”
What they could have said instead: Nothing. Or, “Did you do something different with your hair?”
12. “I Wish I Didn’t Have Any Responsibilities Like You.”
Why it’s backhanded: People might be inclined to say this to their friends who live with their parents or to those who don’t have kids. Living rent-free or child-free can be less stressful than many alternatives, but that doesn’t mean anyone’s life is totally carefree or without responsibility. Saying otherwise is passive-aggressive at worst and presumptuous at best.
How to respond: “Oh wow, do I make it look that way? I have a million plates spinning at once. How are things going on your end?” This will get to the real root of the issue, which is that they’re overwhelmed.
What they could have said instead: “Do you have any spare time to listen to me vent? I’ve been so stressed lately.”
13. “Your Place Is So Cozy.”
Why it’s backhanded: Calling someone’s apartment “cozy” is often code for “super tiny” or even “so tiny I don’t understand how you live here.” It’s also condescending since not everyone can afford a sprawling abode — or wants to live in one. It just isn’t what you want to hear when you’ve invited folks over for a housewarming.
How to respond: “Thank you! I put a lot of work into the decor. Wait, did you see my record player over here?”
What they could have said instead: “Thanks so much for having me over! I always love how you decorate. Oh! I brought a quiche.”
14. “You’re Coping With This So Much Better Than I Thought You Would.”
Why it’s backhanded: You’re literally on your couch in a onesie surrounded by tissues and rubbing at your puffy eyes — and this is better than what your friend thought? How did they expect you to deal with a breakup? You might not want to know.
How to respond: If you can muster some cheekiness, say, “Thanks for the vote of confidence, pal.” If you’re too upset say, “I just need someone to listen to me, if that’s OK.” Also, side note: If a certain friend isn’t supporting you the right way during a tough time, try reaching out to someone else. Another friend, family member, or therapist may be a better bet.
What they could have said instead: “What you’re going through is one of the toughest things ever. You’re handling it so well, but it’s also OK if you need to take more time for yourself.”
15. “You Look So Much More Awake With Makeup.”
Why it’s backhanded: Your friend may be trying to give you a compliment, but this one sends the message that you usually look bad or tired whenever you deign to go outside without blush or mascara. It might be their way of judging — or they simply might not realize why it’s a rude thing to say.
How to respond: “Wait, what do I normally look like?”
What they could have said instead: “I need that blush. Where’d you get it?”
16. “You Look Refreshed Today. I Almost Didn’t Recognize You!”
Why it’s backhanded: According to psychologist Dr. Roberta T. Ballard, Ph.D., this is a common backhanded compliment. It’s something you might hear from an office friend who means well, but doesn’t realize they’re implying you usually look messy or tired. Not to mention, it’s never smart to comment on someone’s appearance, especially if you don’t know what’s going on with their health or personal life.
How to respond: “Thanks. Guess it was that extra cup of coffee I had today.” And leave it at that.
What they could have said instead: “That color blue looks amazing on you.”
17. “You’re So Chill In Your Relationship.”
Why it’s backhanded: “It may be innocent admiration of your patience in your relationship, or it may feel like something else is being implied,” says Lauren Spinella, LPC, a licensed mental health therapist and owner of Peaceful Path Counseling. Are they really impressed by your patience during a tough time in your relationship, or are they implying you’re a doormat?
How to respond: “Do you feel like I’m too chill?” According to Spinella, it’s totally fair to ask for some genuine clarification in a non-accusatory way. That’ll open the door to a deeper convo.
What they could have said instead: “I really admire how patient you are. I’m also a little concerned that you’re dealing with so much and want to make sure you’re OK.”
18. “You Look Great For Your Age!”
Why it’s backhanded: While this one’s often said with the best of intentions, it’s steeped in ageism and the idea that you can only look good if you look young. “Sometimes the person giving the backhanded compliment might not have the intention of saying something hurtful, however, the impact is still there,” says therapist Emily Sharp, MA, LCAT, ATR-BC, RYT-200.
How to respond: “I’m sure you didn’t intend to, but when you make comments about my appearance it makes me uncomfortable.” Sharp says this will get the message across in a diplomatic way.
What they could have said instead: “You look great!”
19. “You’re So Articulate.”
Why it’s backhanded: Calling you articulate is a way to express shock that you said something intelligent. It has the same vibe as, “Wow, I didn’t expect you to be good at this.” The “you’re so articulate” comment also comes with a long history of racism, especially when aimed at Black people, Ballard says.
How to respond: “What did I say that surprised you?” Again, asking someone to explain their comment is a subtle way of calling them out.
What they could have said instead: Nothing. Or something like, “It’s always such a pleasure to talk to you. I’m glad we ran into each other.”
20. “You’re So Pretty. I Don’t Get Why You’re Still Single.”
Why it’s backhanded: This backhanded compliment can send your brain swirling through a list of possible meanings. Are they saying something else is wrong with you? Or that you’re incomplete until you meet a partner? Whatever it is, it won’t feel good.
How to respond: “How are the two related?”Depending on the type of relationship you have with your friend, you can straight up call them out or ignore them, Sharp says. “You can also respond to a portion of the backhanded compliment that feels genuine, in order to maintain positivity,” she tells Bustle. “Everyone handles these situations differently, but the important part is validating your feelings for yourself.”
What they could have said instead: “We haven’t chatted about our dating lives in forever! Are you talking to anyone or nah?”
21. “I Love Your Nails. It Must Be Nice To Have So Much Extra Time In Your Day To Pamper Yourself.”
Why it’s backhanded: “This may be an innocent comment,” Spinella tells Bustle. “But it’s also understandable for someone to be put off by hearing it. You might think, are they implying that I don’t have a lot going on or that I am prioritizing the wrong things?”
How to respond: “What do you mean?” While it’s often possible to glean the intent of a backhanded compliment, Spinella says it’s best to ask for clarification, especially if the words hurt.
What they could have said instead: “I love how you did your nails! It can be so hard to prioritize self-care with a busy schedule. Maybe you can help me do the same?”
22. “You Look So Comfortable!”
Why it’s backhanded: This isn’t a real compliment, says wellness coach Dr. Cali Estes. Instead of saying what they really think, it’s a roundabout way for your friend to indicate that they don’t like your outfit or that they think it’s inappropriate for a situation.
How to respond: “Thanks! I’m so grateful to be comfortable so I can fully enjoy myself at this wedding.”
What they could have said instead: “I love your outfit. I really wish I would have chosen something more comfortable, too.”
23. “You’re Incredible For Working That Hard! I Could Never Leave My Cat Alone All Day.”
Why it’s backhanded: While it feels like they’re complimenting your work ethic, what they’re actually doing is commenting on your choices as a caretaker. This one’s also commonly aimed at new moms, according to Dr. Anisha Patel-Dunn, DO, a psychiatrist and chief medical officer of LifeStance Health.
How to respond: “What do you mean by that?” Patel-Dunn recommends asking for more info. For instance, “Ouch, I feel a bit hurt by that comment. Can you clarify what you mean because this is what I heard…”
What they could have said instead: “You’re the queen of getting stuff done. How do you do it?”
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