Matt Heath: My parting message: Enjoy things while they are around

A lot of big, tragic and important things have happened to this wonderful country of ours since April 2014. None of which I have covered. I was too busy writing about hungover parenting, ancient philosophy and my dog Colin.

Out of the 536 columns I have written, 27 were about that guy. Far too few. He is such a good boy, he deserves an article a week.

Today is the end of an era for me, and whenever these final events pop up in our lives, we can’t help but think about the ultimate end.

Everything we do, we will one day do for the last time. That’s why you have to enjoy things while they are around. It’s not just big events like leaving a job, house or loved one either. Whatever moment you happen to be in now, you will never get it back, and you don’t know how many more you have.

Everything we do in life, from eating pizza to spending time with the people we love, to driving, writing, drinking or breathing, we will one day experience for the final time. It might happen tomorrow. This can be either a depressing or an inspiring thought, depending on how you look at it.

A few years back in this column, I interviewed professor of philosophy William B Irvine, of Wright State University, Ohio, on this very topic. He put it this way on a Zoom call: “Recognition of the impermanence of everything in life can invest the things we do with a significance and intensity that would otherwise be absent. The only way we can be truly alive is if we make it our business periodically to entertain thoughts of the end.”

Today’s column is very meaningful to me because it is my last. Like the last night with a lover before she goes overseas. And just like a lover, there have been some half-arsed efforts put in from me over the years. Last week, for example, I spent 750 words moaning about how bad my cricket team is. But the truth is that any of my columns could have been the final. If I had reminded myself every week for the past 10 years that the end is inevitable, I may have been more grateful for having a column and appreciated writing them all as much as I am this one.

While everything we do could have more meaning with a focus on finitude, some things are inherently more worthwhile than others. There is no doubt my column “The pros and cons of wearing Speedos” from November 2022 was less meaningful than most things in this world. That was a waste of everyone’s time. So, if we only have so much time, how do we pick the best things to do?

Well, Oliver Burkeman, the author of Four Thousand Weeks – Time Management For Mortals, suggested this to me in a 2022 column: “Ask yourself, does this choice enlarge me? You usually know on some unspoken level if it does. That’s a good way to distinguish between options.”

With that in mind, I don’t feel great about my 2018 article on “New Zealand’s best hole”. That didn’t enlarge anyone.

There will be people reading this column right now who have loved my writing in the Herald and are sad to see it end. Others will have hated it and are glad to see me go. Many won’t have any opinion at all. But for those in the first camp, I have good news. I have a book coming out on May 28 called A Life Less Punishing – 13 Ways To Love The Life You Got (Allen and Unwin Book Publishers). It’s a deep dive into the history, philosophy and science of not wasting our time lost in anger, loneliness, humiliation, stress, fear, boredom and all the other ways we find to not enjoy perfectly good lives. It’s available for pre-order right now (google it if you’re interested).

A Life Less Punishing took me two years to write and is equivalent in words to 100 of these columns. Which would be a complete nightmare for those in the hate camp, but as I say, great news for those who want more.

Anyway, thanks to the Herald for having me, thanks to the lovely people who make an effort to say nice things to me about my column nearly every day and thanks to the universe for every single second we get.

Bless!

I married the woman of my dreams, but later on I had to make one of the toughest decisions of my life.

Hi everyone, my name is Mark, and this is my wife, Lisa, along with my two kids from my previous relationship. I’m sharing my story today because my heart is heavy with doubt and pain. If you read on, you’ll understand my turmoil. Lisa is the most amazing human being on earth, and any man would be blessed to have her. But before marrying her, I had a ten-year relationship with the mother of my children, Larissa.

My beautiful wife Lisa
Two years ago, Larissa, who was a pretty loving mom, fell in love with a guy she met at work. Out of nowhere, she lost her mind and left me for him, abandoning our family. I was left alone with our two children, devastated and trying to pick up the pieces.

New Beginnings
A year and a half later, I met Lisa. She was a ray of sunshine in my otherwise bleak world. We connected deeply and fell in love quickly. Lisa was fantastic with the kids, treating them as her own. Her kindness and patience knew no bounds. A year after we met, we decided to tie the knot.

Just a few days ago, my youngest daughter, Anna, said, “Daddy, I love the new mommy. Can she stay here forever?” It melted my heart and reinforced my belief that Lisa was the right choice for us. However, just when I thought life was perfect, a storm was brewing on the horizon.

Ghosts from the Past
A few months after the wedding, my ex, Larissa, called out of the blue. She wanted to meet me. I was confused and conflicted. She was the mother of my children, so I felt obligated to see her. When we met, she looked like a shadow of her former self, pale and distraught. She confessed, “Mark, I NEED YOU BACK.”

FOR ILLUSTRATIVE PURPOSE ONLY
I was stunned. At that moment, all my old feelings for her came rushing back. It was overwhelming, and I couldn’t focus on anything else. I started being mean to Lisa, even though I knew she didn’t deserve it. I was torn between my past and my present.

A Heartbreaking Confession
Just a few days later, I did the unthinkable. I broke Lisa’s heart by telling her about my feelings for Larissa. She was devastated. Tears streamed down her face as she whispered, “Why now, Mark? After everything we’ve been through?”

Lisa and I recommitted to our marriage and to our family. We took a family trip to the beach, spent more quality time together, and created new memories. Larissa, realizing that her place was in the past, eventually moved on, respecting our decision.

Happily Ever After
Today, Lisa and I are happier than ever. Our family has grown closer, and the kids are thriving. We’ve learned that true love isn’t just about the past; it’s about building a future together. Lisa and I continue to support and cherish each other every day, creating a loving home for our children.

Life threw us a curveball, but we caught it together. Our story is a testament to the strength of love and the power of forgiveness. And as Anna wished, Lisa is here to stay, forever a part of our family.

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