Only weeks after Millie Smith and Lewis Cann learned they were having twin baby girls, they learned that only one would survive.
On April 30, after 30 weeks of a high-risk pregnancy, Smith delivered identical twins, Callie and Skye, the latter who lived only three hours.
Later in neonatal intensive care unit (NICU), Callie slept without her sister in the incubator, with her loving and grieving parents watching over her. In the unit with other babies, an overwhelmed mom of healthy newborn twins innocently told Smith that she was “so lucky” to not have two babies.
Crushed by the words, the new mom couldn’t find the words to explain her loss. Then, she realized that Skye’s legacy was to help other families who lose a child, and it came in the form of a purple butterfly.
In November 2015 Millie Smith and partner Lewis Cann found out they were having their first Child. Smith, who has twins in the family, said she had a “gut feeling” about having a duo and 10 weeks later, doctors confirmed she was expecting identical twin girls.
Less than two weeks after the excitement of knowing they would double the children in their home, the British couple were devastated to learn that one of their babies had a fatal condition and wouldn’t survive after birth.
“During the scan, the doctor didn’t say anything. I was very excited and loved seeing the little babies, but she was silent. Both Lewis and I immediately knew there must be a problem,” Smith said.
Doctors shared the news that one of the babies had anencephaly, which according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) affects about one in 4,600 babies across the U.S. It’s a serious birth defect where a baby is born without parts of the brain and skull, and “almost all babies born with anencephaly will die shortly after birth.”
Knowing that one baby would die soon after birth, and that there were risks involved for their other baby, the couple decided to move forward with the extremely high-risk pregnancy.
Over the next several months, Smith and Cann named their twins Skye and Callie. “We knew that Skye needed to have a name before she was born,” Smith said. “Knowing she would only survive for seconds or minutes, I wanted her to be named during that time.”
The meaning behind “Skye,” she explained “was somewhere we knew she would always be, that we could look up at the sky and remember our baby.”
When Smith went into labor after only 30 weeks on April 30, she needed an emergency C-section. To help navigate the loss, the couple had a “bereavement midwife” during the birth, and they were put I a special room the called the “Daisy Room,” where families can spend time with a baby before and after she/he passes.
“When the girls were born, they both cried. This was a huge moment, as we were told that Skye would not make a noise or move,” said Smith, who was thankful to have three hours with Skye before she died. “We were cuddling Skye when she passed away. This was the worst moment in our lives. I have never ever felt heartbreak like that before. But I am proud that she fought for so long to spend time with us.”
Born premature, Callie had to stay in NICU while she gained some strength and also in the unit were three other sets of twin.
“Most of the nurses were aware of what had happened, but as time passed, people stopped talking about Skye. After about four weeks, everyone acted as though nothing had happened, meaning the families around me had no idea about our situation,” Smith recalled.
One morning, a stressed mother whose twins were also in NICU, harmlessly said to Smith that she was “so lucky” to not have twins.
“None of the other parents knew what had happened or anything about Skye. The comment was completely innocent and more out of humor…They weren’t to know that I did at one point have two.” Smith continued, “But the comment nearly broke me. I ran out [of] the room in tears and they had no idea why. I didn’t have the heart to tell them what had happened. A simple sticker would have avoided that entire situation.”
It was in that moment Smith realized she had to create something that would speak for parents who had just lost a baby, ensuring the misunderstanding never happens again.
She designed a poster for the NICU explaining both hospital personnel and visitors that any incubator with a purple butterfly on it means that one or more babies, in a set of multiples were lost.
“I chose butterflies, as I felt it was fitting to remember the babies that flew away, the color purple because it is suitable for both boys or girls,” said Smith.
The purple butterfly concept–now under the Skye High Foundation–has spread to hospitals in several countries around the world.
Callie is now a lively, happy seven-year-old, and twin’s memory lives in purple butterfly cards along with other initiatives to help families with babies like Skye all over the world. The purple butterflies now come in numerous forms, like ornaments, cards, blankets, stuffed animals and more.
“Ultimately I will never be able to stop this from happening but the more support groups we can set up and put things in place like the stickers the better it will be. It’s the hardest thing anyone has to deal with,” Smith said.
My Husband Demanded a Sixth Child or Threatened Divorce – After My Lesson, He Begged for Forgiveness on His Knees
My husband didn’t anticipate that I would defend our kids and myself when he offered me a terrifying ultimatum. I showed him that he was being unreasonable when we already had so much to be thankful for. He begged ME for pity as his ultimatum came to an end! I never imagined myself in this situation, but here I am, facing a decision. My spouse’s one demand put me in a tight spot and forced me to take extreme steps. But I had to take action because of that demand. Danny, my spouse, has consistently been a successful businessman and a loving father.
He works long hours at the workplace and has been a good provider for our family. I can now raise our five lovely girls while being a stay-at-home mother because of this. His aspirations to have a son “to carry on the family name” have, however, recently evolved into demands. And now those requests are transformed into threats!One evening after supper he stated, “Lisa, we NEED to have a sixth child.” He spoke in a somber, even icy tone. “We already have FIVE daughters, Danny. Do you want me to continue having children until we get a son? I answered, sensing the anxiety building. However, don’t kids bring you blessings? Is it really so difficult? His remarks hurt. Even though we’ve had this debate numerous times, something felt different this time. It had the air of an ultimatum. We kept going around in circles, neither of us ready to give up on our decisions. He threatened to consider DIVORCING me if I refused to have a son for him, that’s how bad our disagreement was! “Do you mean that if I didn’t give you a son, you would leave me?” My voice trembled as I asked. He murmured, “I didn’t say THAT,” and averted his gaze. However, the inference was evident.
If I didn’t do as HIS wishes dictated, he was open to the possibility of divorce. We said our goodbyes and headed our separate ways to get ready for bed after that. I lay awake that night thinking about our chat. How could he treat the life we’d created together with such contempt? All of our daughters are vibrant, individual, and extraordinary. I can’t think of our family in any other manner. I had to explain to him what he was requesting of me, of the two of us. Furthermore, what do you know? I thought of a clever method to SHOW him exactly what it means to raise five kids by yourself before I closed my eyes and went to sleep! I got up extra early the very next day, while everyone was still asleep. I drove to my late mother’s old country home after packing my bags.
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I ignored all of his calls and texts and turned off the ringer on my phone. “The Drama That Unfolds When You Leave Your Husband at Home Alone with Five Children” is my favorite show of the day, so I settled in to watch it after making myself breakfast and a steaming cup of coffee. With the security cameras we had put at our house, I was able to see everything in real time. A RUDE awakening was in store for Danny! As soon as he was awake, he got ready for work. But when he heard the kids making a commotion, he put an end to his plans. He questioned our rascals, “Where’s your mother and why aren’t y’all dressed and ready for breakfast?” When my babies disregarded him and carried on playing and jumping on beds, it made me proud. My spouse called my name and searched for me before realizing I wasn’t at home. Then he began phoning me, and I saw the call go through. He became irate and exclaimed, “What the hell, Lisa,” before hanging up after the sixth missed call. He was unable to leave our small kids alone, thus he was unable to go to work. The first morning was a total bust and hilarious! When he attempted to prepare breakfast, he burned the toast and ruined the orange juice all over the place! The children were playing and without bothering to put on clothes. I was having a blast, and he was utterly overwhelmed!”Stop running, Emma!” Please put on your shoes, Jessica. I heard him yelling, his voice strained. “Daddy, this cereal doesn’t appeal to me.” Emily pushed her bowl away and whimpered. “So, what do you WANT?” he questioned, getting agitated. “I insist on pancakes!” she exclaimed. Danny massaged his temples and moaned. Alright, let me prepare pancakes. Feeling left out, little Jessica added, “I want cake and scrambled eggs!” Never one to be left out, Emma insisted, “Please, waffles and fresh cream!” I was positive that if his temples were hurting previously, they were now throbbing! The situation became worse during the course of the day! He attempted to assist them with their online coursework, but they were constantly getting sidetracked and leaving! He begged, “Jessica, please concentrate on your math homework.” “Daddy, I don’t understand it,” the girl exclaimed. He sat next to her and gazed at the TV. “All right, let’s work it out together.” In the middle of tending to the kids, a call from work arrived. Based on the discussion and Danny’s sincere apologies, it appeared that he had neglected to mark himself as absent for the day! My spouse was unable to determine what our kids preferred to eat for lunch.
They ultimately had a picnic with inane munchies as a result. “May we please have jelly and peanut butter?” Emma asked. He said, “I’m not sure we have any,” as he looked in the pantry. “Maybe just some jelly?” she proposed. Although watching Danny suffer in this way was heartbreaking, it was well worth the laughs! He appeared to be about to lose it, and the house was a complete mess with toys all over the place! He moaned, “Why is Play-Doh on the carpet?” Ask Emily, I’m not sure,” Jessica answered. Emily began enumerating all the reasons why she wasn’t the offender as soon as she heard her name! “I exclusively use blue and purple Play-Doh to play. I just walked a little bit on the carpet in one place; I wasn’t sitting on it. I. My spouse jokingly interrupted her before she could say anything further. “All right, Emily! Alright, I understand! Would you kindly take it down for Daddy? The girls decided to dress up in the evening, and Danny HAD to join in! They made him pretend to be a princess while donning a feather boa and tiara!”Daddy, you’re so beautiful!” Emily chuckled. He mumbled, “This is ridiculous,” yet he grinned at their happiness. My spouse appeared disoriented and really worn out. The very last straw was bedtime! They continued slinking out of their rooms, insisted on stories, and DEMANDED to go to bed! I was so proud!Emma pleaded, “Just one more story, Daddy.””Okay, but THEN it’s really time for bed,” he said, growing impatient. Danny was clearly on the edge of collapse by the end of the second day! He began pleading with me in his desperate messages to return and assist. He texted, “My angel, please, I can’t do this alone.” He even submitted a video of himself pleading for mercy while on his knees. “My dear, I apologize. Please return home. You are necessary to me. The fact that he recorded the video in our closed bathroom while the children DEMANDED he come outside and play added to the humor of the footage! I made up my mind to head home. Danny was the first person to come to me when I went in; he looked more relieved than I had ever seen! “I really apologize,” he said. “I will no longer put pressure on you to have a son.” He squeezed me till I was almost out of breath! He pledged, “I promise to spend more time with the family. I realize now how much you do.” I felt moved. “We can talk about the POSSIBILITY of having a sixth child if you genuinely promise to spend more time with us and help out more,” I added. He gave a forceful nod. “I swear, I swear,” Just just don’t ever leave me with kids alone for so long again! He fulfilled his word from that day on, and we both chuckled. He showed greater interest in our family and an appreciation for the labor-intensive nature of raising our current children. Positive changes started to occur in our life. In an effort to be more present, Danny started arriving home from work early and occasionally worked from home. He took on nighttime responsibilities, attended school functions, and assisted with homework! To the awe of our girls, my once-misled spouse even learned how to braid hair! “Observe, mother! My father braided my hair. One morning, Jessica smiled. “Darling, you did a great job,” I said. Danny gave me a gentle smile as we sat around the breakfast table one Saturday morning. He said, “I’ve been thinking.” Perhaps having a son isn’t the main reason. Maybe it has to do with appreciating our family. I returned the smile, a wave of warmth coursing through my chest. “Danny, that is all I have ever wanted.” We carried on having breakfast while chatting and laughing, the stress of the previous few weeks dissipating. We discovered true satisfaction during those carefree times spent with our girls. My spouse never again broached the subject of having a sixth kid after months had passed.
He had undergone a transformation, showing greater involvement and closeness to our family than before. He was loved by the girls, and there was laughing and happiness in our house.”Will you please attend my dance recital, Daddy?” One day Emily asked. Of course, my love. He said, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world. And he fulfilled his word! Every school play, every soccer match, and every recital he attended. His renewed love and care allowed our daughters to grow and thrive. Danny held my hand one evening while we watched our daughters play in the backyard. “I’m grateful, Lisa,” he murmured. “For all the things.” Tears were starting to spring up in my eyes as I squeezed his fingers. “I appreciate your understanding,” I answered. Although our path wasn’t simple, it helped us get closer. My spouse gained an appreciation for his family. And I mustered the courage to defend our daughters as well as myself. We were more resilient than ever, equipped to handle any difficulties life presented. And I knew we had found our happily ever after as we sat there under the evening sun, watching our girls chase fireflies.
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