When I politely asked my neighbor to stop sunbathing in bikinis in front of my teenage son’s window, she retaliated by planting a filthy toilet on my lawn with a sign: “FLUSH YOUR OPINION HERE!” I was livid, but karma delivered the perfect revenge.
I should’ve known trouble was brewing when Shannon moved in next door and immediately painted her house purple, then orange, and then blue. But I’m a firm believer in living and letting live. That was right up until she started hosting bikini sunbathing spectacles right outside my 15-year-old son’s window.
A woman lying on a lounger | Source: Pexels
“Mom!” my son Jake burst into the kitchen one morning, his face redder than the tomatoes I was slicing for lunch. “Can you… um… do something about that? Outside my window?”
I marched to his room and peered out the window. There was Shannon, sprawled out on a leopard-print lounger, wearing the tiniest bikinis that could generously be called dental floss with sequins.
“Just keep your blinds closed, honey,” I said, trying to sound casual while my mind raced.
A woman opening curtains | Source: Pexels
“But I can’t even open them to get fresh air anymore!” Jake slumped against the bed.
“This is so weird. Tommy came over to study yesterday, and he walked into my room and just froze. Like, mouth open, eyes bulging, full system shutdown. His mom probably won’t let him come back!”
I sighed, closing the blinds. “Has she been out there like that every day?”
“Every. Single. Day. Mom, I’m dying. I can’t live like this. I’m going to have to become a mole person and live in the basement. Do we have Wi-Fi down there?”
A teenage boy frowning | Source: Midjourney
After a week of watching my teenage son practically parkour around his room to avoid glimpsing our exhibitionist neighbor, I decided to have a friendly chat with Shannon.
I usually mind my own business when it comes to what people do in their yards, but Shannon’s idea of ‘sunbathing’ was more like a public performance.
She’d lounge around in the skimpiest of bikinis, sometimes even going topless, and there was no way to miss her every time we stood near Jake’s window.
A woman sunbathing | Source: Pexels
“Hey, Shannon,” I called out, aiming for that sweet spot between ‘friendly neighbor’ and ‘concerned parent’ tone of voice. “Got a minute?”
She lowered her oversized sunglasses, the ones that made her look like a bedazzled praying mantis. “Renee! Come to borrow some tanning oil? I just got this amazing coconut one. Makes you smell like a tropical vacation and poor life choices.”
“Actually, I wanted to talk about your sunbathing spot. See, it’s right in front of my son Jake’s window, and he’s 15, and—”
“Oh. My. God.” Shannon sat up, her face splitting into an unnervingly wide grin. “Are you seriously trying to police where I can get my vitamin D? In my own yard?”
A furious woman | Source: Midjourney
“That’s not what I—”
“Listen, sweetie,” she cut me off, examining her hot pink nails like they held the secrets to the universe. “If your kid can’t handle seeing a confident woman living her best life, maybe you should invest in better blinds. Or therapy. Or both. I know this amazing life coach who could help him overcome his repression. She specializes in aura cleansing and interpretive dance.”
“Shannon, please. I’m just asking if you could maybe move your chair literally anywhere else in your yard. You have two acres!”
A startled woman covering her mouth | Source: Pexels
“Hmm.” She tapped her chin thoughtfully, then reached for her phone. “Let me check my schedule. Oh, look at that! I’m booked solid with not caring about your opinion until… forever.”
I retreated, wondering if I’d somehow stumbled into an episode of “Neighbors Gone Wild.” But Shannon wasn’t done with me yet. Not by a long shot.
Two days later, I opened my front door to grab the newspaper and stopped dead in my tracks.
There, proudly displayed in the middle of my perfectly manicured lawn, was a toilet bowl. Not just any toilet. It was an old, filthy, tetanus-inducing throne, complete with a handwritten sign that read: “FLUSH YOUR OPINION HERE!”
I knew it was Shannon’s handiwork.
A toilet with a sign installed on the lawn | Source: Midjourney
“What do you think of my art installation?” her voice floated over from her yard. She was perched on her lounger, looking like a very smug, very underdressed cat.
“I call it ‘Modern Suburban Discourse.’ The local art gallery already wants to feature it in their ‘Found Objects’ exhibition!” she laughed.
“Are you kidding me?” I gestured at the porcelain monstrosity. “This is vandalism!”
A shocked woman | Source: Midjourney
“No, honey, this is self-expression. Like my sunbathing. But since you’re so interested in giving opinions about what people do on their property, I thought I’d give you a proper place to put them.”
I stood there on my lawn, staring at Shannon cackling like a hyena, and something inside me just clicked.
You know that moment when you realize you’re playing chess with a pigeon? The bird’s just going to knock over all the pieces, strut around like it won, and leave droppings everywhere. That was Shannon.
I crossed my arms and sighed. Sometimes the best revenge is just sitting back and watching karma do its thing.
A woman laughing | Source: Midjourney
The weeks that followed tested my patience. Shannon turned her yard into what I can only describe as a one-woman Woodstock. The sunbathing continued, now with an added commentary track.
she invited friends, and her parties rattled windows three houses down, complete with karaoke renditions of “I Will Survive” at 3 a.m. She even started a “meditation drum circle” that sounded more like a herd of caffeinated elephants learning to Riverdance.
Through it all, I smiled and waved. Because here’s the thing about people like Shannon — they’re so busy writing their own drama that they never see the plot twist coming.
And oh boy, what a twist it was.
People at a party | Source: Unsplash
It was a pleasant Saturday. I was baking cookies when I heard sirens. I stepped onto my porch just in time to see a fire truck screech to a halt in front of my house.
“Ma’am,” a firefighter approached me, looking confused. “We received a report about a sewage leak?”
Before I could respond, Shannon appeared, wearing a concerned citizen face that deserved an Oscar. “Yes, officer! That toilet over there… it’s a health hazard! I’ve seen things… terrible things… leaking! The children, won’t someone think of the children?”
A firefighter holding a fire extinguisher | Source: Pexels
The firefighter looked at the bone-dry decorative toilet, then at Shannon, then back at the toilet. His expression suggested he was questioning every life choice that led him to this moment.
“Ma’am, making false emergency reports is a crime. This is clearly a lawn ornament,” he paused, probably wondering why he had to say a phrase like that as part of his job.
“A dry lawn ornament. And I’m a firefighter, not a health inspector.”
A firefighter staring at someone | Source: Pexels
Shannon’s face fell faster than her sunscreen coverage rating. “But the aesthetic pollution! The visual contamination!”
“Ma’am, we don’t respond to aesthetic emergencies, and pranks are definitely not something we respond to.”
With that, the firefighters left the property, but karma wasn’t finished with Shannon. Not by a long shot.
An angry woman gritting her teeth | Source: Midjourney
The fire truck drama barely slowed her down. If anything, it inspired her to reach new heights. Literally.
One scorching afternoon, I spotted Shannon hauling her leopard-print lounger up a ladder to her garage roof. And there she was, perched up high like some sort of sunbathing gargoyle, armed with a reflective tanning sheet and what looked like an industrial-sized margarita.
I was in my kitchen, elbow-deep in dinner dishes, and wondering if this was the universe’s way of testing my blood pressure when the sound of chaos erupted outside.
Close-up of a woman sunbathing | Source: Pexels
I heard a splash and a screech that sounded like a cat in a washing machine. I rushed outside to find Shannon face-down in her prized petunias, covered from head to toe in mud.
Turned out that her new rooftop sunbathing spot had met its match — her malfunctioning sprinkler system.
Our neighbor, Mrs. Peterson, dropped her gardening shears. “Good Lord! Shannon, are you trying to recreate Baywatch? Because I think you missed the beach part. And the running part. And the… well… every part.”
Shannon scrambled up, caked in mud. Her designer bikini was now accessorized with grass stains and what appeared to be a very surprised earthworm.
A shocked woman with mud on her face | Source: Midjourney
Following the incident, Shannon was as quiet as a church mouse. She stopped sunbathing in front of Jake’s window, and the dirty toilet bowl on my lawn disappeared faster than a magician’s rabbit.
Shannon invested in a privacy fence around her backyard, and our long suburban nightmare was over.
“Mom,” Jake said at breakfast the next morning, cautiously raising his blinds, “is it safe to come out of witness protection now?”
I smiled, sliding him a plate of pancakes. “Yeah, honey. I think the show’s been canceled. Permanently.”
A teenage boy smiling | Source: Midjourney
“Thank god,” he muttered, then grinned. “Though I kind of miss the toilet. It was weirdly starting to grow on me. Like a really ugly lawn gnome.”
“Don’t even joke about that. Eat your pancakes before she decides to install a whole bathroom set!” I said, sharing a hearty laugh with my son as we looked at the wall around Shannon’s yard.
Window view of an empty yard | Source: Pexels
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
Lorenzo Lamas from ‘Falcon Crest’: Age, height, family, children, net worth
You could say Lorenzo Lamas was always destined to become an actor. His parents worked in the industry, and it didn’t take long before he entered it himself.
Lamas has starred in classics such as the television series Falcon Crest and the legendary film Grease. Still to this day, the California native is working as an actor – and at 65, he looks terrific!
However, Lamas’s life has had its ups and downs, and he’s gone through some rather tough times. Here’s all you need to know about Lorenzo and the many struggles he’s overcome.
One was getting over the fact that his son had an affair with his ex-wife.
Even as a young kid, Lorenzo Lamas’s stars had aligned where acting was concerned.
Born Lorenzo Fernando Lamas on January 20, 1958, in Santa Monica, California, he was raised by his mother Arlene Dahl, an American actress of Norwegian descent, and his father Fernando Lamas, an Argentinian who worked as an actor and director.
Lorenzo Lamas – early life
Lorenzo grew up in the fashionable area of Pacific Palisades, California. At age two, his parents divorced, and eight years later, he moved to New York with his father.
Lorenzo has often drawn upon the fact that his family comes from different parts of the world. He once starred as Dracula in a Halloween production of the famous Bram Stoker novel and had no problem at all adopting a different accent.
“I grew up with a man who had a voice like Dracula and every other bigger-than-life character you could ever think of in my father,” he told the New York Times in 2007. “I take a little bit from him to do the accent. I’ve also done four movies in Bulgaria.”
While Lorenzo was transitioning from a kid into a young man, his father had a pretty wild lifestyle. According to Lorenzo, his father had “been with every woman.” Yet as a child, he adored him.
“I idolized my father, especially as a young boy. He was bigger than life. He commanded the room. He’d done everything, seen everything,” he told Fox. “It’s pretty heady stuff to grow up with.”
“He was Latin, he was very judgmental, he thought a woman’s place was in the kitchen. He just happened to marry a woman who was a top ten box office star of the ’50s, and she retired to serve him!”
First work in acting
Lorenzo’s father married actress Esther Williams in 1969, a year after their move to “The Big Apple,” and life for Lorenzo got tough at times. For example, when Esther’s children visited, Lorenzo wasn’t even allowed to sleep in the house!
“He was many things, but he was also fair, so if he wasn’t going to allow another man’s children in his house, then he couldn’t allow me in the house,” he recalled.
“So my roommate was a Rolls Royce. I had a key that let me in the backdoor where there was a guest bathroom. But I came from military school, so living in a garage in Beverly Hills was plush to me. I had shared a urinal with 30 guys for the last four years. Looking back, I know that’s not normal. I know that I would never do that to my kids. I run my three teenage daughters around like a chauffeur.”
Lorenzo Lamas attended private school and graduated from the Admiral Farragut Academy in 1975. Instead of staying on the East Coast, he decided to leave for his home state of California.
Though his father could be a strict man, he always encouraged his son to follow his dreams and backed him wholeheartedly in pursuing his dreams of becoming an actor. Lorenzo enrolled at Tony Barr’s Film Actors Workshop. In 1977, he got his first minor role in television, starring in two episodes of the show Switch.
While cultivating his acting talent, Lorenzo also found that he had a tremendous interest in martial arts. He got in shape – and later on, earned black belts in both taekwondo and karate.
Lorenzo Lamas in ‘Grease’
Now, getting roles in bigger productions often takes time for most actors. Some have to try out at hundreds of auditions to get one part; others have to wait years, maybe even decades, to land their first role in a more significant Hollywood production.
For Lorenzo Lamas, however, this wasn’t the case. In 1978, he was cast as the good-looking stud “Tom Chisum” in the legendary film Grease, featuring John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John. He played the boyfriend of Olivia Newton-John’s character, “Sandy”. That said, he initially wasn’t chosen for the part.
Steven Ford – son of former President Gerald Ford – was considered for the role, but was reportedly too nervous to play “Tom”. The part had no dialogue, but that didn’t bother Lorenzo when he got the gig.
People probably knew that the film had potential at the time, but even so, it’s safe to say that Lamas secured himself an extraordinary place in film history with his relatively small credit in Grease.
“I’m amazed by the longevity. It keeps finding new generations of people,” he told Studio 10.
Lorenzo had dark hair at the time, but the producers thought he looked too much like a “T-Bird” to star as Sandy’s boyfriend. As a result, they dyed his hair lighter – something that he didn’t mind at all.
“I would have dyed it green, fuchsia, anything,” he told People.
At the time, John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John were already stars. For Lorenzo Lamas, it was a dream come true just to meet them. What made the whole thing even better, was that Olivia Newton-Jon had been Lorenzo’s childhood crush.
Became a star on ‘Falcon Crest’
“I was 19. It was only the third thing I’ve ever done. And I was at the Paramount lot, meeting my childhood crush, Olivia Newton-John, and Mr. Saturday Night Fever, John Travolta. So I was kind of in a complete zombie state, to begin with,” Lorenzo recalled.
He explained that he had all her albums, and in high school, he and his friends even had routines dancing to her albums. When they finally met, Lorenzo was almost knocked off his heels.
“I couldn’t take my eyes off her,” he told Studio 10.
Grease was, of course, a big deal for Lorenzo and a fantastic opportunity when looking back. Naturally, though, it wasn’t quite a breakthrough since he only appeared in a few scenes.
In 1981, he got the role of Lance Cumson on Falcon Crest. The nighttime soap became a huge success, with Lamas starring alongside Oscar-winning actress Jane Wyman for 228 episodes.
Wyman portrayed Lamas’ grandmother on the show – at that time, she was a massive Hollywood star. Lamas had problems with illegal substances at this point in his career, until one day on set, Wyman had enough of his behavior
Became a star on ‘Falcon Crest’
“I was 19. It was only the third thing I’ve ever done. And I was at the Paramount lot, meeting my childhood crush, Olivia Newton-John, and Mr. Saturday Night Fever, John Travolta. So I was kind of in a complete zombie state, to begin with,” Lorenzo recalled.
He explained that he had all her albums, and in high school, he and his friends even had routines dancing to her albums. When they finally met, Lorenzo was almost knocked off his heels.
“I couldn’t take my eyes off her,” he told Studio 10.
Grease was, of course, a big deal for Lorenzo and a fantastic opportunity when looking back. Naturally, though, it wasn’t quite a breakthrough since he only appeared in a few scenes.
In 1981, he got the role of Lance Cumson on Falcon Crest. The nighttime soap became a huge success, with Lamas starring alongside Oscar-winning actress Jane Wyman for 228 episodes.
Wyman portrayed Lamas’ grandmother on the show – at that time, she was a massive Hollywood star. Lamas had problems with illegal substances at this point in his career, until one day on set, Wyman had enough of his behavior
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